you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
