I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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