I wanna passion pit in your ass
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me