Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.