the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
