I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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