I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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