So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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