Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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