I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
