When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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