I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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