I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
