what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
