dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
