Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
