considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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