I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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