My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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