Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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