He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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