the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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