I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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