Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
