This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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