I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
