I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
