Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
