I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drake has all the answers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
