is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
