I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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