Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
