you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
