he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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