just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
