i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just pee around me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
