...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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