You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
