Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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