you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
