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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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