alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
