yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
