Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
