Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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