i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
