i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
