Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
