You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
