I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
