If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
