Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
sarcasm needs its own font
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
