I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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