I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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