I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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