Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
