Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
