so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
