the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
