dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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