Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
