I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
