Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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