oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
