Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
