K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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