but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
