Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
