She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
