I am puke
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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