I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
