I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
