How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
