i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
