I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
