The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
