i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
