??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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