Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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