well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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