found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
