I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize